Thank you Thrillist for a fabulous article on NYC dating that totally nails what makes NYC dating so unique. The biggest dilemma is that NYC dating is it’s never just boy meets girl or vice versa. Think of it as an assault course for someone training for the army or the FBI etc. You have to prove you can do it to get anywhere but the outcome is never secure, it can change because the army/FBI or what a NYC datee wants of you can be…well strange.
There’s so many people, so many agendas. Does he/she want to meet you to fulfill a NYC fantasy, have a quick hookup, fulfill some self-determined Tinder quota for the week or just to check out the dating scene? Or do they just want someone to help pay the rent, I mean in what other city would that be a primary reason for dating. Only NYC right? And you’re trying to work out if you’re soul mates and he’s working out from what you’ve said about your job and what wardrobe you’re wearing whether you can afford half his rent?
The thing is dating is always about whether giving up the pleasures you currently have in NYC which give guaranteed meaning to your life are worth the risk of pleasures that may or may not be there if you start a new relationship. A prospective partner has to compete against the already established joys of partying where and when you like, going to the gym and spontaneous socializing with a close group of people you know really well. Because all of these activities are abundantly on tap in NYC and there’s no uncertainty about them. With dating itself, who knows where it can end up.
Half of the NYC population is single and has been for sometime. The reason for this is all of the above. The daunting part of NYC dating is not getting one it’s working out whether it’s worth it. Why not just keep having one off dates. It’s enough to make you feel good about being ‘out there’ but the murkiness of post first date territory is another world altogether. You have to give up something/everything and what is the predictable and pleasurable for what? Why do it when there’s always ‘swipe right’ and another chance, another day, another person…..in NYC.
In the video a relatively clueless Latino guy interviews people in Union Square about NYC online dating. Most of them who say they aren’t doing it are lying to him. Research shows virtually all NYC dating is now starts out online. It’s quick, it’s easy, and you don’t have to take it too seriously….it’s just so NYC.